Listening for Love
Listening for Love
by Jaine Fisher
There are times when we are timid and shy about expressing the love we feel. For fear of embarrassing the other person, or ourselves, we hesitate to say the actual words ‘I love you’. So we try to communicate the idea in other words. We say ‘take care’ or ‘don’t drive too fast’ or ‘be good’.
But really, these are just other ways of saying ‘I love you’. ‘You are important to me’, ‘I care what happens to you, and ‘I don’t want you to get hurt’ all mean ‘I love you’. We are sometimes very strange people. The only thing we want to say, and the one thing that we should say, is the one thing we don’t say. And yet because the feeling is so real, and the need to say it is so strong, we are driven to use other words and signs to say what we really mean. And many times the meaning never gets communicated at all and the other person is left feeling unloved and unwanted.
Therefore, I believe we have to listen for love in the words that people are saying to us. Sometimes the explicit words are necessary, but more often, the manner of saying things is even more important. A joyous insult carries more affection and love within the sentiments, which are expressed insincerely. An impulsive hug says ‘I love you’ even though the words might be saying something very different.
Any expression of a person’s concern for another says ‘I love you’. Sometimes the expression is clumsy, sometimes even cruel. Sometimes we must look and listen very intently for the love that it contains.
We say ‘I love you’ in many ways - with birthday gifts, and little notes, with smiles and sometimes with tears. Sometimes we show our love by just keeping quiet and not saying a word, at other times by speaking out, even harshly. We show our love sometimes by impulsiveness.
Many times we have to show our love by forgiving someone who has not listened to the love we have tried to express. The problem is listening for love is that we don’t always understand the language of love, which the other person is using. A girl may use tears or emotions to say what she wants to say, and her boyfriend may not understand her because he expects her to be talking his language.
We have to force ourselves to really listen for love. The problem with our world is that people rarely listen to each other. They hear the words, but they don’t listen to the actions that accompany the words or the expression on the face. Or people listen only for rejection or misunderstanding. They do not see the love that is there just beneath the surface, even if the words are angry.
Simon and Garfunkel wrote that very haunting song, The Sound of Silence . It goes: Ten thousand people, maybe more. People talking without speaking; people hearing without listening; people writing songs that voices never shared, because no one dared disturb the sound of silence... It is a terrifying picture of our modern world, a world without communication and without love.
We have to listen for love in those around us. If we listen intently we will discover that we are a lot more loved than we realise.
posted by simple @ 6/30/2006 11:32:00 PM
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